Starting again

I've been building up to writing here again.  I mean, really writing.  I'm going to try and make the most out of this space.  To continue to motivate myself and work harder to reach my goals.  I've tried to make the page more attractive, hopefully an incentive to visit it more!  This journey started a long time ago, but hasn't been successful.  It's time for a change, and time for success.  Fingers crossed.

Kake from A to Z! A. Age: 34 B. Bed size: Queen. I like to snuggle:) C. Mopping--ugh! D. Dogs: Stinky G-fiddy:))) I <3 him. E. A good day starts with coffee and an english muffin with peanut butter F. Favorite color: Purple G. Gold or silver: White gold:) H. Height: 5′ 8" 1/2 I. Instruments you play(ed): piano, clarinet J. Job title(s): RN K. Kids: None & pretty ok with that. L. Live for: travel and fun times with friends!! M. Most embarrassing moment: Falling off the treadmill at the gym...lol. Also the funniest!!!! N. Nicknames: kake, katrink, the omega O. Overnight hospital stays: For chest pain over a year ago. It was reflux..whew! P. Pet peeves: Disrespect, lateness Q. Quote from a movie: Almost the entire script from Steel Magnolias. There are way too many good quotes in that movie! S. Siblings: Three sisters, one brother:) T. Time you wake up: about 7:30 central time.... U. University attended: University of Missouri! V. Vegetables: Asparagus W. What makes you run late: See D above. X. X-rays you’ve had: Knee, Dental, Chest Y. Yummy food you make: Enchiladas, brownies, shrimp with pasta, the list goes on. I love to cook! Z. Zoo animal favorites: Tigers, cheetahs, seals. Tag! You're it!

I'm hoping no one reads this anymore. I just need to get all this garbage out of my head. Why do people treat each other this way? I am not a mean, rude, or spiteful person. I know in my past I have been not so nice, and not so caring, but I thought I had made my peace with that part of my life and that things were better. You give of yourself knowing what the the Good Lord did and how it should be. Why is it that when you truly are this way, it is the most difficult? I find peace in knowing I do the right things for others and it makes me smile to put a smile on someone else's face. Almost NO ONE goes out of their way to be a loving, caring human being anymore. I know I CANNOT become someone who uses others or puts themself above all else. I have never felt that being selfish and egotistical is the way to be successful in life. I would have so much hurt and guilt for treating people poorly. But why do I still get so hurt and angry when people try to wrong me? I guess that strength comes in time... I just get so frustrated! Don't EVER act like you are doing me a favor when, in reality, the favor benefits you more than me. I am so flippin tired of people like this.

It seems that by age 33, one should be able to see things more clearly. That decisions and paths to take should be more apparent, easily defined. I don't hold myself to the "norms" of others, although I do see what they are doing and think, what? Did I miss something along the way--did I skip that class in college? (It must've been a day when I HAD TO stay home to watch a Law & Order marathon with my roommate). I'm not upset with where I am, I just feel....I guess it's kind of a lost feeling. As if I were skipped over. I know I've accomplished so much already, but I'm in a place where I currently feel stagnant. Stuck. I can't particularly move on yet, I am in a position I have to stabilize where I am before I can start down another path, but I really don't even feel like exploring the options of what I COULD do. Sometimes it all just seems so....blah.

you've got to accentuate the positive...

So far, so good, 2010. The cruise was awesome :) Definitely worth waiting for and another is already in the works! On my way to financial freedom, hopefully sooner rather than later. The negative I'm really trying to get rid of is in my surroundings. It is unbelievable to me how some people can't find the positive to accentuate in their own lives. I know that this has been going on since before I emerged on this planet and that it will continue long after I become someone's guardian angel. It still annoys the bejeezus out of me, and I had to vent about it.
In other news, I'm trying to decide if I want to stay on my current, stagnant career path or move onward....it's a tough decision especially when what you do comes so naturally and you've been doing it for so long. I'm not afraid to fail, just afraid that what I decide to do won't bring me the same feeling I had for this path when I started. I heard this quote the other day and it was something to the effect of if you can do something effortlessly and without stress, you are using less than 1/10th of your potential. Hmmm.....

2009 in review...

Was 2009 good for you? Difficult, but good

What was your favorite moment of the year? Spending 4th of July on the beach

What was your worst moment of the year?
Let's not go there....we'll just say that the beginning of September blew...HARD

Where were you when 2009 began? Clearwater, FL

Who were you with? Mac Daddy

Where were you when 2009 ended? On the beach (Sunny Isles to be exact)

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2009? I don't think I made one

Do you have a new years resolution for 2010? less debt, more healthy, less bulls*&!

Did you fall in love in 2009? With my puppy dog! ( I was already in love with Mac)

Did you make any new friends in 2009?
I have some great new co-workers and friends outside of the j-0-b

What was your favorite month of 2009? February

Why this month? Hello, birthday!

Did you travel outside of the US in 2009?
no, I left it to MO, Cincy & Florida's beaches :)

How many different places did you travel to in 2009? see above!

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
I miss my family & friends, but I really miss my Aunt Sue

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009?
Recently, The Blind Side. Role Models was pretty good, though!

What was your favorite song from 2009? idk

How many concerts or plays did you see in 2009?
Better than Ezra :), Juanjamon, Skull & Bones Band, Cope

Did you have a favorite concert in 2009? Better than Ezra :)

What was your favorite book in 2009? Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner

Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Yes, we all make mistakes....the good part is I learned from them

What was the biggest lie you told in 2009?
That I was okay when I wasn't. It didn't do anyone(most of all me) any good.

Did you treat somebody badly in 2009?
Yes, I did. I regret it, but hindsight is 20/20.

Did somebody treat you badly in 2009?
Yes, but not so badly I didn't recover and I didn't learn from their mistakes either :)

What was your proudest moment of 2009?
Making it through a year with someone I really care about

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009?
Oh, I'm such a klutz I can't bring it down to just one...

If you could go back to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be?
Making early September better

Where did you work in 2009?
Only 2 places. In surgery.

Favorite TV shows(s) of 2009?
Dog the Bounty Hunter-really! Cake Boss, Ruby, OMG i almost forgot Eli Stone!!!

Favorite Band(s) of 2009?
Republic Tigers, Journey, Supertramp, Better than Ezra (the list could go on and on)

Favorite Food in 2009? El Cap burger

Favorite Drink in 2009?
Vanilla vodka & caffeine free diet d.p., water, sugar-free, non-fat vanilla latte

Favorite Place in 2009? My bed

Favorite person(s) to be with in 2009? The daddy of the mac

Favorite person(s) to talk to in 2009?
My mom, my sisters, Melissa, Maria, Courtney

Favorite trip in 2009?
A week at the beach for 4th of July. New Year's Eve ran a close second though

Favorite stores in 2009?
Sephora, always

Hardest thing you had to go through in 2009?
See: early September

Most exciting moment(s) in 2009?
Getting Stinky McDoodle/G-fiddy!

Funniest moment(s) in 2009?
Watching Stinky watch basketball

what is up?

I'm not going to go into the fact that I rarely post here anymore. That's just how it goes these days:) I feel like I have so much to say, but can't put it into words. All I know is that I'm not sure of what's next. I'm standing on the teetering edge, trying not to falter, without knowing what I want or what will happen. I'd like to say the edge is good that it represents happiness and beauty, but I'm not sure of that either. It may be what needs to break for the beauty to truly reappear, but I'm preparing for the beauty AND the ugly. What can I say, I like to be prepared.